Fallen Page 7

  “Put the shovel down!” I screamed feeling totally out of control of everything occurring around me.

  Kai whipped his head around to see Jalal approaching and quickly dug into his pants and pulled out his gun on Jason. Everything paused at that moment. The neighbors, my boys and myself all stood dead silent. I knew Kai wouldn’t shoot Jason, I knew he wouldn’t want to harm any of them. This was the only way to get them to back down before any more blood was drawn. Kai intensely directed for Jason to tell his brothers to get off the porch and for him to follow. I cried and cried for Kai to put the gun away uncontrollably but he wouldn’t until Jason followed his orders. Jamir and Jalal stepped into the street and as Jason stood face to face with Kai not budging.

  I ran over to Jason begging him to go back home, but his eyes looked passed me as he pushed me out of the way and from in between him and Kai. Sweat poured from both of their faces and the snarl of a wolf overcame their features. Heavy breathing highlighted their bodies, they looked like animals about to kill each other.

  My relief came from Jamir who yelled, “Somebody called the cops!” which sent everyone into a scurry and away from the house.

  Luckily, you could see the two police cars on the narrow North Philly block two blocks up which gave everyone enough time to get away from the house. I watched my boys run to the bottom of the block to get inside of Jason’s charger, wait for the cops to double-park at the top of the block and pull off. All the neighbors were back seated on their steps like a regular summer evening. No one spoke to the cops or even looked their way. Not sure who called the cops, I looked around but all I saw was a bunch of young teenagers and adults in their early 20s, and I knew they weren’t the suspect.

  With my boys gone I looked to make sure Kai was off the porch also. Kai was back in the house where I wanted to be but I wasn’t sure if I was welcomed anymore. I was losing everything around me and hurting everyone I loved. I wanted to leave with my boys but they wouldn’t want me with them. I wanted to apologize to Kai for bringing drama to his house, but I knew he probably just wanted to be alone. I stood in the middle of the porch feeling helpless and hopeless. Things had gone too far.

  I finally got myself together enough to make it in the house and up to Kai’s bedroom. His lip was swollen but the bleeding had stopped. The usual smell of incense and weed began filling Kai’s bedroom. Standing in the bedroom doorway, he watched the floor for a few quiet moments before looking at me. I told him how sorry I was and how I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. But my words didn’t seem to phase his emotions at all. In fact, he appeared to be in a daze from the smoke in his lungs. Seeing his reaction made me hurt even more, so I offered to leave and stay in a hotel room, but he still didn’t speak any words. Kai reached into his pants and pulled out his penis. Without thinking I dropped to my knees to show him how sorry I really was.

  CHAPTER 6

  Returning to work after a long week off was something that I was looking forward too. I told my bosses that I had a family emergency that would cause me to travel out of state, which they willing fully gave me the time off. A little shocking, considering how tight they are about attendance and vacation days, but I guess everyone’s turning over a new leaf.

  Jay allowed me to come to the house to get my car keys after three days, but he made sure to add “Gotta make sure you can get to work to pay child support” before I got a chance to make it out the door.

  It’s amazing how fast the dynamics of a relationship can change once it has gone bad. We were in love for years and yes I messed up, but his ignorance was beyond my understanding. I still wasn’t allowed in the house or to get my things. None of the boys had bothered to call my phone, and even if they did I wasn’t ready for that conversation.

  Kai had lived up to all of his promises and took me to the mall to buy a few things and a new cell phone. We took a trip to Nordstrom and Bloomingdales where I found a few pieces that I had already been waiting to purchase. We gathered a few more items at Express so that I would be ready for the work week and of course Victoria’s Secret. I hoped my taste wasn’t too expensive for him to start off a wardrobe but we both knew I needed the cheering up.

  Now that we were beginning to take things out in public, I felt a little odd about our relationship. Kai was obviously younger than me. His style of dress, places he shopped and restaurants he ate at were different from my taste. But he was also willing to try new places, and always willing to try new things!

  King of Prussia Mall was a mad house and a part of me secretly was embarrassed to be walking side by side with him. Now I knew that we assume that people are paying more attention to us than they really are. Still, being out with him gave me the impression that people were staring at me or assumed he was my son. I probably was just being insecure though, because I look good for being almost 40, especially 20lbs lighter from when we first met! I was a size 8 and some twenty year olds couldn’t even say that! Even if they thought he was my son, those thoughts would’ve quickly ended at the sight of how Kai treated me. Very open and affectionate in public, anyone around us was bound to see us kissing, cuddled up, or his hands rubbing my ass. It felt good to feel young and wanted again, but it didn’t take away from not having my family or Jay.

  I guess I am a person that’s never satisfied because I still wanted both of my men in my life. Had I learned my lesson? No not at all. I was bound to get my husband back but I was also going to take advantage of this time apart. Everyone needs time a part right? Jay was someone I trusted and could talk about anything with. Our relationship was well established and we clearly had an understanding for each other. I wasn’t ready to talk about inner issues with Kai, why would I? I wouldn’t talk to Jason about issues that I was having at work, emotionally or anything else, and Kai and Jason weren’t that far off. That’s where things got twisted. Was I dating my son or someone my son’s age? Don’t birds of a feather flock together? I knew my son and all the rift raft he brought into females lives, so I wondered if that’s what I was walking myself into.

  All of this thinking was giving me a headache! I had been suffering from headaches for days and popping Aleeve like mints. Work started tomorrow and Kai had been gone for the past three hours. I wasn’t sure where he had gone but I didn’t bother him about it either. We were still adjusting to this new lifestyle and I knew he would have some unfinished business to tend to. All I cared about was the text message I sent him twenty minutes ago about bringing me some pain medicine that he failed to respond too. That was something that bothered me about this new texting era; in my eyes those messages were a means to cop out. They made it way too easy for a person to say they never received the message or to not respond until they were ready. I had to learn a lot of new things if I planned on dealing with Kai. When Jay and I got together people didn’t even have cell phones! Things had changed a lot! I didn’t worry about Jay the way that I worry about Kai, I felt totally secure with him. I knew I was taking a risk and playing a fool but most females want to be blind to the reality to have that dream they’ve been hoping for.

  My head was still booming and my patience with Kai was quickly dissolving. I like what I like when it comes to medicine but at this point I was willing to settle. Barely being able to stand up I made it to my feet reaching for his dresser draw. My head was throbbing like the bass in a hip hop concert beating against the speaker. Squinting my eyes due to the pain, I tried to keep them open enough to make out the labels on the scattered bottles on his dresser. Nothing abnormal, I gently placed the bottles back into their proper position. His top draw was filled with boxers and porn, and the second filled with socks and dutchs. I was in search of pain medicine but I began shuffling through the draws just for the sake of doing it. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for but I wanted to find something that told me more about Kai, maybe a picture or letters from an ex- girlfriend. But all I found were traces of a 22 year old bachelor. A smart man, he probably covered his tracks as any person should. Hell, I wo
uldn’t be leaving anyone in my house either with evidence that may cause problems. But then again a lot of people don’t think that far ahead.

  I hadn’t spoken to Porscha in a of couple days. I had no intentions on telling her about Jay and I until I was completely sure about what was going on. Yea things looked bad from the outside…things looked bad from the inside, but you never knew what could happen. But I guess Jay had his mind made up enough to tell Ty our situation who surely decided to tell Porscha. My phone rang and rang for two days before I finally decided to answer. Rants of cuss words came through the phone for leaving my best friend out of my life and for her being the last to know about all the recent events.

  “Ty Ramae? I had to hear from Ty about you fucking some young bol and him pulling out a gun on Jason!” She blabbed on for about ten minutes without me saying a word before she finally invited herself over to talk.

  The downstairs of the house had been completed so I felt comfortable allowing the ultimate critic over to Kai’s house. I just made sure it would be a time that Kai wasn’t home. Well as expected, as soon as she came through the door Porscha took a look around, screwed up her face, sat down and said, “So when are you getting back with your husband?”

  I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t that simple and that Jay wouldn’t even let me in my own house. I told her how much I loved Jay and that I wanted my family back but I didn’t know where to start. None of this was planned and if I could take it back I would, but for now I made my bed. I was being honest, but she could sense a bit of indifference in my voice. I messed up. I knew that but I didn’t have any hope of fixing it, I wouldn’t even forgive me. The look in her eyes wasn’t the least sympathetic. She snapped back at me like a locker room coach at half time.

  “You’re making up excuses Ramae! Jay didn’t just put you out you put yourself out! You decided to sleep with your son’s friend, are you crazy? You should be begging that man and your children to take you back, but instead you’re lounging around his house feeling sorry for yourself? What happened to the responsible girl I knew? I mean woman, because right now you’re acting like a girl. Ramae if I didn’t love you I wouldn’t be telling you this, but I don’t care about what this boy has in his pants, it will never replace Jay. I have watched yall grow as a family over the years and I wouldn’t trade those memories in for anything so how could you? You think it’s easy out here. That boy isn’t who you think he is. He’s just a boy still trying to figure out who he is. Get your shit and let’s go! You can’t get your family back by staying in Kai’s house. You’re coming to stay with me until Jay is ready for HIS wife to come back home.”

  Her words hit me hard, too hard. I became angry with her for being my friend. I didn’t want to hear any of those things, I liked being with Kai, but inside I knew she was right. As bad as I told myself that I wanted my family back, I was lying to myself at the same time. My life had been all about my family up until this point. Cooking for them cleaning for them everything I did was for them. I didn’t get to experience the things that she did as we advanced through our adult lives so it was easy for her to criticize. If she was me she would want some freedom from the life I lived also. Not saying that my life was terrible, but it could have been different, more interesting. For the first time in 21 years I was being selfish and I loved it.

  I was making decisions based solely upon what would make me happy. It felt good to not be concerned about consequences or other people’s feelings. This was like having my ME day every day. It would be selfish for me to try to run back into Jay’s arms just to fall right back out of them. I wasn’t sure if it was even about Kai. Kai was just another pawn in the game. I was just ready for something new. As much as I wanted my family, if I was going to get them back, it would have to be when my mind was completely ready. Mentally and emotionally I was not the same Ramae I had been for the past 21 years; that Ramae was on vacation. She wasn’t gone for good, just gone for now.

  I hadn’t spoken to Porscha since that day but I knew she just needed a couple of days to understand that I was doing me right now. Good thing that I had digested that pill because that flashback of Porscha ranting would’ve charged my headache even more. I stretched across the bed for a second feeling extremely light. My headache was headed out but I felt really thirsty, extremely thirsty. I chugged down a bottle of water and drifted off into a zone. Things weren’t so bad I realized I just needed to relax. If I could just relax and clear my mind like I was doing right now I would be okay from here on out. I took down another bottle of water which I kept a stash of next to my bed, and fell back into my zone. Relax Ramae relax.

  After some time had passed Kai entered the room with a pharmacy bag in his hand but I told him I didn’t need it anymore and apologized for going through his medicine but I needed relief, he nodded his head in silence and smiled a joker’s grin. He tried to tell me about where he had been for the past couple of hours but I didn’t care enough to listen.

  I was happy to see him and happy that he made it home safe. Nothing he would’ve said could possibly take away from the feeling that I was feeling, I was far from angry at him. Once again those uncontrollable feelings of lust formed in my body like two teenagers trying to rush in sex before their parents got home. I felt free and erotic just by looking at my sexy man and I craved to have him on top of me. He turned me on as he walked around the bedroom undressing himself, while watching me at the same time. My eyes never left him. I couldn’t stop looking at him, and the more I looked the more I needed him in me. That’s how things worked between Kai and I, the sexual chemistry was just there! Everything about him screamed orgasm in my eyes and he delivered every time. As he talked to me complimenting me on my body and my curves his deep voice tickled the inside of my ears. I laid on my back relaxed, watching him crawl on top of me never letting go of my hungry eyes. I didn’t have to tell him what I wanted because it was already understood. Sex! Lots of sex my body craved it. Kai gave me a soft kiss on the lips and asked me how it felt. I responded, “Like heaven”, and his eyes lit up with a devilish grin.

  Then he caressed my arm and asked me how it felt. I just bit my lip and shook like a cold chill overcame my body, Kai smiled bigger and brighter than before. I loved that smile more than anything about him. It gave him that boyish look that melted away my heart. The curve his eyes made when he smiled that made his face glow always spoke to me in silence. I begged for him to keep touching me. He aided my request slowly and softly. I never felt touches like this before.

  Next Kai began taking my clothes off one piece at a time until I was naked and at his will. I didn’t move. I wanted him to have full control over me. I wanted to be as submissive as possible. Kai wasn’t as rough as he usually had been. No, he gave it to me slow. Long deep strokes, deeper and deeper, he was digging for something new. He put my knees up to my ears, something I didn’t even know I could still do, and continued to plunge deep. I could barely take him inside of me. All I could do was scream and scream louder and louder. I even put a pillow over my face to help me get through the intense pressure but it barely muffled my sounds.

  My legs shook as he gave me the best sex I ever had in my life! I felt every sensation as it took over my body. Electrifying tingles consumed my skin, and sweat poured from his body to mine, the sex was just that good. He made me feel so small against him and I was so zoned out that I lay hypnotized by the ceiling fan and his dick. I think he noticed. Kai took charge with ease as I cried moans for more. Not sure if I was falling in love but everything Kai did felt right. I didn’t want to eat I didn’t want to sleep, just water and sex was on the menu for the night.

  I went to sleep at ten o’clock and woke up at 5 am feeling drained. He must’ve felt me squirming around in bed but never opened his eyes to see what was wrong. Kai rolled over and told me that the E had worn off and to go back to sleep because I had work in an hour. E? I thought to myself, as in ecstasy? I starred at the ceiling not knowing rather to be mad at Kai or mad at
myself for taking a pill without asking him first. More than anything I was confused about why he had a bottle of E pills sitting out on top of his dresser. Now the old Ramae would’ve knocked him out of the bed and demanded answers and an apology. But this Ramae was homeless and didn’t want to cause a fight in a home she had no ties to. Besides I needed a clear mind before starting the work week, no need to start the day on a bad note. Sleep was not about to happen. So I prepared myself for the work day and headed out not saying a word to Kai.

  Getting through the first couple days of work wasn’t as bad as I expected. No one knew about my personal issues so it became the ultimate outlet of stress. I plunged into my work producing better results than ever before on projects. Tori probed me on and off about why I was out of work and what was with my mood change, but I just persisted with telling her I didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t give up easily but after a few days and me being a bit more up tempo, she let the issue go.