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  FALLEN

  A Novel By

  Quiana

  Disclaimer: Characters in this book and situations are fictional. Any resemblances to real life or people were not intentional in the writing of this book.

  © November 2011 Quiana ·Philadelphia, PA

  A little Note:

  I first started writing at the age of 17 and always held it close to my heart. With many failed attempts to finish my stories, the words of encouragement from Anya Magee always rung in my ear to “write a book”. After becoming a mother it became harder and harder to reach my goal, a goal that seemed like it could never be accomplished. At last, I have finished writing by first novel at the age of twenty five just as I had set to do. That feeling of accomplishment could never be replaced, nor understood by anyone but myself. I want to say thank you to everyone who has listened to my storyline and gave input over the last year, and always reminded me to go for my goal, thanks. Special thanks go to Tarik Ferguson, who was the first to read over my novel and critique it with a fine toothed comb. Neil Thornton and Matt Woods, I appreciate your ears and the positive remarks that kept me motivated. Sabrina Matthews, who didn’t know about the book but was a faithful friend throughout the entire process. Barbara Thompson, thank you for understanding the situation, enough said. And to my mother and father, Darlene and Carl Harris, who were always there to give any support that they could. Acknowledgement goes to Nicole and Ka’Ron Johnson, Juanita Henderson, Edna Harris and Marjorie Davis you are my family and I love you. To all of my friends, family, and supporters: Not naming you does not mean you’re less appreciated…it just means I only have one page to cover! Dear Lord you know I praise you until the day we meet! My cousin and brother Scott Harmon I love you I love you I love you, keep your head up! To my children Jayla and Jamir: If there were words to describe how much I love you, I still couldn’t describe how much I love you. Always strive to be your best regardless of what anyone tells you you can and can not do. Always remember the story of The Little Red Hen.

  CHAPTER 1

  Two O’clock. Two o’clock may not seem like anything special, because it’s not. It’s just the same time every day that I take my lunch. A late lunch…the same lunch. I’ve been on the same dry chicken Caesar salad diet for 3 months and I’ve only lost ten pounds! I’ve been exercising every day and I’m still the same old Ramae. I swear those kids took the best part of me. I haven’t seen the body I wanted since I was 23. Now I’m 38 years old, and I don’t see it ever coming back. Jay, my husband, tells me I’m beautiful and that I don’t need to lose weight, but I know he doesn’t mean it. I see the way he looks at twenty year old girls who didn’t gain stretch marks and fat to push out his three kids. Jay’s a good man though. I know he would never cheat with another woman, even if she tempted him with a naked ass in his face! But then again, you can never trust anyone too much. Sometimes I think he doesn’t want me to lose weight so that the next man won’t want me! Unlike me, Jay’s looks haven’t changed much. He was still a good looking man, 6’1, light skin, clean cut and thick. He has become a little bit heavier than he was when we were teens but through manual labor he was all solid. I loved my teddy bear he was my Monday night football star. We’ve been together for 21 years now, and he really has never given me a reason to believe he wants to be anywhere else, but still I wonder.

  Very predictable with his actions, Jay gave up fun and friends before he got a chance to start, so did I. We had Jason our oldest son when we were 18. From then on it’s been making the best of our family for the both of us. By 21 I had Jalal, and two years later lost my mind and had Jamir. Three boys, I guess you can figure who never got a break! Jay and I married when Jason turned two in order to give him the family neither of us ever had.

  Jay had a mom and a dad but they were never married. For years they stayed together, back and forth whenever they grew tired of each other. The house hold was so unstable for Jay; he never knew when his dad or some other man would come walking through the door. When they were together Jay was happy, life felt right and meals were always cooked. But when they weren’t, things were bad, phones breaking, tires slashed, locks changed. Jay remembered a time when he was locked out for three hours until his mom came home, because she changed the locks and forgot to bring a key to his 7th grade class room. His mom always acted out of anger and spite. Without thinking of who was around, or who her actions were going to effect, she reacted without a care; and she’d deal with the consequences when they’d come.

  Really his dad was no good. A cheater and a woman beater, Jay knew his mom deserved better. Yet, he wanted his dad with his mom because it seemed like every man treated his mom the same. If it was going to be any man, he figured it should have been his dad.

  I was a little different. I was raised by my dad and taught to be a straight user! All I was ever taught was to use a nigga before he used you. My daddy wasn’t having no love sick girl making bad choices with bad men. The fact that I had a dad in my home and no mother gave me no excuse to act like I didn’t. My mom, well let’s just say she wasn’t much of a mom, ever. She had me for the first five years of my life, but looking back I think I was just a tool to have my dad around. My dad did his music thing in Philly for a while and introduced a lot of rappers to recording. He said my mom just liked the lifestyle. Her relationship was a bragging right and having a baby gave her benefits from it. Parties, shopping, drinking, living it up with some of the most paid people in the city made her feel alive. It never stopped even when she had me. Daddy thinks it got worst actually. She knew how much he loved me and would drop anything to be with me. Passing me off onto him in order to represent the business at a party or event was no problem. He would always let her get away with it because she was indeed good at socializing, making connects, and bringing back info.

  With him being a few years older he was tired of the partying anyway. But after four years of falling back, he left her and filed for custody. It wasn’t much of a fight. She eagerly signed the papers and waved all rights, and I haven’t seen her since. A few birthdays she had called and Christmas’s sent gifts, but Daddy explained that not every mother can be a mom, just like men.

  The salad just didn’t fit the bill. It was fresh and everything that I needed but not what I wanted. I guess that’s how everything in my life was right now. I think the salad reminded me of Jay. Everything I needed and all the right ingredients, but not everything I wanted. Yes we had a good life together, hell we’ve had a great life together, but for some time now I’ve felt like I’ve just been playing the part. I know, it’s real immature of me and lots of women would love what I have with my husband, but what I have needs to change.

  After we married Jay took a loan from my father and bought us a duplex. He rented out the top of that shabby building and kept his money working as a mechanic in his pockets. Quickly he paid the loan back, and made enough money to open himself a garage around the corner from our place; by that time we were only 23, and we had our third child. Money was always great coming in so I couldn’t complain about those troubles. We bought a house in Mt. Airy and still had the rental property with two available apartments for rent. The shop was busy and all of our friends and family showed support by only coming to us. I agreed to go back to school since the money was great, and Daddy would watch the boys to make sure I had enough free time to focus on my studies. By 28 I finished my bachelors in business administration and I’ve been working as a secretary for the school district of Philadelphia ever since. That’s 50,000 dollars of debt to be a secretary!

  Still overall I try not to complain. It just seems as if with the years I dedicated to hard work I held my youth back with babies and studying. Back then Jay and I were great, even by thirty we were on the same page. Although both of us had pretty much given
up on friends, we still enjoyed each other. Local trips to Atlantic City or Virginia Beach would get us away from the city. Or we’d make time for movies, dinner…the usual. Sometimes we’d slip out to an occasional party in the city; we found ways to have our fun.

  While we were busy planning our future and handling our family, our friends weren’t. That’s what pushed us closer, the feeling that no one else understood our position. I lost contact with most of my girlfriends except Porscha. Porscha had been around the whole 21 years that Jay and I were together, she always wished she would one day have same thing. Only I wished for her life. My bestie had everything a woman should have; fly clothes, a nice ride, tons of men who treated her great and no babysitters. I was always jealous of the shape she kept since high school while I had to watch everything I ate. Even when she cut her hair into a Halle Berry style she didn’t lose any appeal. While I chopped my hair into a bob and it never grew back. I thought it made me look plain. She never finished school but landed a great Job working at the Family Court so she made out almost the same as I did without the midterms or the loans.

  Porscha had her baby Jayla when she was 35 but never married. Jayla’s dad, Ty, is a 40 year old man that screams “40’s the new 30” like its really true! He was still chasing women and clubbing like he lost his mind. He’s a good dad, but I just shake my head at his immaturity. Ty and Jay have become good friends over the years; which scares me because he may have an influence on my husband. He is always coming over with some crazy story about him and a random chick. Ty had the nerve to bring some 19 year old girl over to my house that graduated high school with Jason! I told him and that fake Louis Vuitton wearing little girl that they had to go. Jason and Jalal thought the whole situation was funny but I was embarrassed for him and for my girl Porscha. I couldn’t believe that he would be the man to represent her for the next 18 years. After I told her about the girl she went off! My girl carved “pervert” into the side of his 2010 Lexus Truck big as ever! We still tease him to this day about it. He hasn’t brought a woman over my house since, at least not a young one.

  I finished off my salad and my water and prepared myself for work. A text popped up on the screen of my phone that put a smile on my face. It said Mom can you please make meat loaf? Please J that was my fifteen year son Jamir who was still my baby. So loving and so affectionate I was his favorite thing in the world. Handsome and mature I had no doubts that my son was God’s gift to women. He took after Jay in his younger days, tall slim and light skin with a smile that made you melt and eyes that lit up his smile like lights lit up Christmas trees. Just as rough as the other boys, but he had a soft side that made you feel good. He knew from the day he was born how to

  persuade a woman. It was sickening! I never had a hard time disciplining him compared to the other boys. We always teased the lover boy about all his Valentine Day cards at school and how the girls always picked him for their team when playing tag. I never understood his taste in females though. They were never the best looking girls but they were always really nice. Unlike my other two, he knew a good woman but never settled down just kept a few on hand. He was still young I would tell him he didn’t need to rush having a girlfriend.

  Now Jason and Jalal were totally different! They both smoked weed, partied and had crazy taste in women. Jalal was a senior at Central High school and was barely making it out the door. Somehow he managed to squeeze his way in the door at Millersville University and would be leaving in three months. His graduation was a few weeks away and I had to give the Lord thanks for getting ME through his high school career! A couple suspensions, fights, and nothing but a C average, I thought he wasn’t going to make it. Brown skin and handsome with a gap in his front teeth my boy got more attention than he could handle. He was built like a man but had a boy’s mentality. Standing at 6’3 and 230lbs, Ja lead his football team to many wins.

  That’s what calmed him down and got him into college. Jalal didn’t start playing until his Junior year but was a natural. His coach had a lot of faith in him and motivated him like his Daddy and I couldn’t. The cutting of classes and fights stopped as his dedication to the team grew. Jay and I became so proud of him and how far he had come.

  Not only in a couple months would Jalal be going off to college, but he would also be leaving that fast ass little girlfriend Kahliyah he had. I’ve caught him and Kahliyah in the basement having sex at least five times in the past year. You would think the girl would be ashamed! Coming over my house wearing the shortest thing she could find, and his dumbass just starred with his tongue out and didn’t even see what she really was! The coach told him if he kept his grades up his first year, that he would talk to his friend who coaches at Penn State and get him on the team! I’m so happy for my baby because I know he can do it. That Kahliyah’s talking bout she’s going to Penn State with him! That girl won’t even graduate this year from high school because of her grades, how is she going to make it to Penn State?

  Now Jason my oldest, is just living life right now and I can dig it. He’s still unsure about where he wants to go in life but I can understand that. Right now he’s just helping Jay run the shop and can’t make a decision about school but I know he’ll be alright. He’s responsible and has a business mind so either way he’s gonna get his money! A Natural born hustler I’m glad I never had to deal with him and jail as much as his mind is on money. Since he was 8 years old he has found ways to get his own money, selling candy, pencils, pens, whatever he could get his hands on. In high school it was CDs, DVDs, and T-shirts. Jay put him on to pocket books for the girls and they flocked to him in no time. Since then it’s been parties and other events with his circle of friends, I’m really proud of him. I tell Jay one day he’s gonna take that business from underneath him. An extremely nice dresser and always keeps his beard cut, my son is handsome! It’s no wonder why all the ugly gold diggers with two and three kids by age twenty chase him and his orange Charger around the city. He doesn’t care and he’s not going to settle down with them anyway. Jason keeps about three or four ducks that are extra fly around all the time, but I know where his heart is.

  Jazmine was his high school sweet heart from the 11th grade. I love that girl, smart pretty and respectful she’s everything I would want him to have. Not into fashion and partying she goes to St Joseph’s University, and doesn’t want any of his bullshit. But she loves him, and keeps herself in the picture enough to make sure no other girl jumps in front of her. And Jason plays the role exactly the same with her, they both know about the other’s jump offs, but will never put anyone else first. I just hope they realize what they mean to each other before it’s too late.

  Back to work and it never seemed as if I left. Two more hours before work is done and I get to go home to my black satin sheeted king sized bed and cuddle up with my own self! I had to laugh at that because Jay says that if I could have an affair with that bed I would, and I do every day at 4:30! Don’t misunderstand sex with Jay is still good, but lately my drive has been geared like never before! Jay just hasn’t been able to keep up or completely satisfy what I need. It seems like after every round I’m just left prepared for the next. I don’t fault him because he does his job, I just have extra hormones popping off I guess. Plus, I can get to spots that he can’t!

  It’s amazing how slow time goes when you’re waiting for something to happen, and how fast it goes when things are happening. I knew today would be one of those days. A lot of sirs and mams throughout the day, lots of typing and paperwork topped with endless coffee rounds and errand running for the boss. They have me feeling like a 1940 negro up in here with all the ass kissing I have to do. So many times I wanted to quit but a grown woman cannot complain. I have good benefits and security in my company and I know they appreciate my work. An occasional spa treat along with other little perks keeps me relaxed and is their way of payback for stressing me out.

  After lunch I finished a few tasks and thought I could relax for my last hour with simple schedul
ing for the week. Well not in this office! If they even think you’re finished a task someone wants you to help someone else with their left over bullshit! I sucked it up and helped out my girl Tori. I love her and she definitely adds spice to my work day. Not only does she know all the Inside tidbits about everyone in the office, but she has her own juice to squeeze. For the past three months she’s been sleeping with one of our managers, Joe. Yes! She comes to me with all kinds of details that I could use for blackmail if it ever went that route. Joe has had it out for me ever since the relationship began with Tori and looks at me as if I’m trying to take Tori away. O did I mention Joe is married….and is short for Josephine! If this was the TV show Friends they would be the Rachel and Monica of the office. No one knew about the lesbian affair going around the office. Two beautiful lipsticks would sure rock the boat this office was riding on and Joe’s happy little three year marriage.

  Somewhere between the office and happy hour they found out in the car ride over to the bar that they both were closet freaks! And somewhere between the car and the door Tori made a move and it was a scandal ever since.

  The funny thing is the role of who the boss was had definitely switched in their relationship. Joe is no match for Tori! Tori buys her panties and tells her what to wear to work, had her dye her hair black and made her start wearing high heels. They’d pretend like they’re the best of friends as they go “shopping” at lunch time but I knew what they’d really do. An hour break is more than enough time to drive to Tori’s apartment which is a 3 minute care ride from the job. Tori must give her the business because Joe has a huge insecurity now. She eyes every female in the office as if everyone in here is gay. The fact is no one knew Tori was bisexual but me, and I have spent too many years perfecting my oral on Jay to waste it on something far from a stick. The thought of even getting that close to a woman’s vagina makes me gag!