Fallen Read online

  I grabbed my bag and headed out the door with not a minute to spare. Traffic was good and I was able to reach my home in less than 25 minutes. A quick meeting in my bedroom and I was ready to deal with the family. I prepared dinner as usual and waited for my men to trollop through the door. By 5’oclock I had three different text messages saying that each of my boys would be at a friend’s house and to save them a plate! The nerve of these negros to ask for something and not want it when they got it, typical! Not even my darling Jamir would be home on time to enjoy my cooking. That left dinner for my husband and I to share alone.

  Jay walked through the door with a smile on his face from smelling the meatloaf in the oven. I kissed my husband with a kiss that I hoped would lead to more. Sensual and soft yet aggressive and ready, my kisses always locked him in. This time was different, the only thing that locked his eyes was in the oven, and he killed the mood with yelling “let’s eat!”

  I laughed at his appetite because I knew he was innocent. The only problem is it had been a week since Jay and I had had sex and I didn’t know what to make of it. Usually when we went through our breaks he blamed it on work and I felt less attractive until he proved otherwise. Sometimes we could go three weeks with no action. I knew the shop had been really busy with income tax season, and they were understaffed so he was exhausted, but I wasn’t feeling it this time.

  “Baby how about we go out tonight?” I suggested in my innocent voice that he always thought was seductive and sexy. He just nodded his head no and sat down with his plate.

  We laid around the living room relaxing to episodes of SVU whiling discussing our plans for the weekend. This was life; nothing new, nothing different and very ordinary. I guess I should’ve accepted it by now but I hadn’t. Perhaps if this was a new adjustment it would be easily grasped, but this was an old routine. The inside of me secretly desired some spice, I guess that’s why I indulged in work related drama and my own four play. I tried to show Jay that we could catch up on the things we missed out on now that the boys were almost grown, but he had already accepted life. I thought maybe it was me. I knew I wasn’t the young gem he used to show off, but not being it and not feeling like it is completely different. I don’t think Jay realized that by acting like an old married couple he makes me feel like he had no spark for me.

  Jay and I fell asleep before any of the boys made it home, which meant before 10’clock. With my body relaxed and tucked in tightly I danced on a dream cloud that knew my footsteps very well. So well, that as I fell deeper into my sleep, my footprints became embedded deeper into the cloud, so that I could always find the way back to my comforting place. In my dream I was 18 again. My perfect body, 5’5 lean with creamy smooth light skin, and my long hair flowed in the breeze. I didn’t have stretch marks, loose thighs, or a protruding belly. My waist line didn’t overlook my belt strap and I still had the perfect coke bottle shape that I was originally blessed with. The kids weren’t there and neither was Jay, just me and Porscha cruising down Spring Garden Street with some of our old high school friends. I felt free of obligation and full of fun and excitement. That old feeling that I hadn’t felt since I was young raced through my body. The feeling that life had begun and was nowhere near ending .The feeling that I was living a dream that others wouldn’t want to wake up from. Who would’ve thought that one day I would be considered in the group of “others”

  CHAPTER 2

  The weekend came and went just like any other. It’s as if we wait all week just to get a snipped of what life should be like; easy as a Sunday morning. I accomplished all of my normal weekend tasks consisting of laundry, food shopping, house cleaning, and whatever other running around that I could complete during that time. I also found time to sneak away with Porscha, and purchased two new pair of shoes at a boutique on 2nd street we like to go to called BaZoo. The boutique was modern and classy, like a drop of LA in Philadelphia. Once you were considered a VIP like myself and Porscha, your shopping experience would be complimented with a class of champagne, even more of a reason to spend money there.

  I had been dying to indulge in some foot candy and Porscha and I needed some private girl time. A sexy red pair with a high heel and an open peep toe that let my beautiful pedicure sparkle. They were leather with a large brown stone over the start of the toe, I had the perfect leopard bra and panty set trimmed in red lace to go with them. The other pair was a purple and black snake skin designed heel that I just knew Jay would love! Like any man he had a fetish for a bad shoe, and I knew this one would fit his liking. Animal prints tend to add spice to any outfit and I had a few pieces of lingerie that could use that shoe as a compliment.

  After two hours, my good friend had to rush back home to pick up her little Jayla. Glad those days were over! My boys were grown now, and I had the freedom that I had desired watching them grow up. Although it was rough having them young, I can’t imagine doing it at this age. The bottle making, diaper changing and potty training was not something I longed to venture in again. I wouldn’t have the energy to deal with any of those boys at 38. Nope not at all! Plus I have the finances that I didn’t have when I was young and I can enjoy them all to myself! Yup being a young mom paid off in some way I can actually admit.

  Well course my night didn’t end anything like I had planned. After a hot bath filled with milk, lavender scented bath salts and baby oil, I was fully prepared to give my man what he truly needed...me. I put on that sexy leopard outfit and those kinky red shoes and laid in the bed waiting for him. After an hour of prepping myself and another hour laying on the sheets alone I walked down stairs to find my husband Miller lighted up, and passed out with an old episode of NYPD Blue on. I was mad as hell after I did all that prepping, but then again I couldn’t blame him for falling asleep after two hours of waiting. The fact is all the smell goods and oils weren’t for him, it was for me. Although Jay loved sexy lingerie and shoes, he would take me in a baggy t-shirt and a scarf just the same. But that’s where we fell off, I still needed to feel sexy I just wished he could’ve understood.

  Sunday had been another slow day; church in the am, an early dinner and getting prepared for the work week. I went over some homework with Jamir while Jay took Jalal shopping for a suit for graduation and who knows where Jason was. He texted my phone on Saturday night and said he had a party to host down Old City so I knew he wouldn’t be attending church with us Sunday morning. By 1 o’clock Sunday I had gotten another message saying he was safe and relaxing, I don’t know what that was supposed to mean but at least I knew he was ok. Philly was crazy so that having my men around for another day was a blessing. Even though they weren’t bad people being good doesn’t always save you. Usually it’s the good ones that God wants closer to him anyway. What a jealous God we have.

  “Hey Ramae…” A soft whisper took to my ear that somewhat startled me out of my thoughts taking me out of my reminiscing about the weekend . I turned around to see that little dirty blonde vixen of mine grinning ear to ear. I shook my head in pre-disbelief of what I was about to hear.

  “Tori what have you done now?” I asked with partial hesitation.

  “You know who!” She giggled and spun my chair completely around until we were at eye level.

  “Well then I don’t need to know the details…”

  “Guess who else?” She cut me off before my condescending tone echoed with a warning of karma. Her eyes were lit up like Times Square and her cheeks blushed with such evil that I couldn’t help but to engage in the gossip with a return of a smile just as big.

  “Who Tori? Do they work here!” I whispered as she shushed my anticipation.

  “Shhhh!” Tori looked over her shoulder hoping no one was making an effort to chime into our little discussion. “Her husband!”

  “Who the hell is her? A married man Tori! You’re going too far this is becoming a hobby to you!”

  “Joe’s Husband…and Joe…together!”

  She bust into a huge laugh and took out her cell phon
e to show me the video. I quickly took the phone and exited out the screen not wanting to see the proof. This girl was insane! Not only was she having sex with our boss, but now she has managed to seduce my boss’s husband. In the meantime I can’t even get my own husband in the bed with me let alone someone else’s! My open mouth and head shaking, let her know I was interested and she agreed to meet up with me at lunch to explain how the whole situation began.

  Tori’s life was so exciting to me and made me wonder if I should bring some spice to my own life instead of living off of someone else’s. I couldn’t though…a threesome? I wouldn’t even know how to approach Jay about something like that without seeming like a whore. Besides if I had a threesome it damn sure wouldn’t be with another woman, and I just knew my husband wouldn’t go for sharing me with another man. But it was something I always thought about trying. It had been so long since I came close to another man I probably would lose my mind. Someone to show me something that Jay hadn’t or even just to enjoy someone other than Jay. I wonder if I even still had what it would take to grab another man’s sexual interest. I tried to engage in my work but my mind was curious and distracted. Yet, not distracted enough to be unable to sense a strange presence lurking my way.

  Joe walked over to my desk and smiled for the first time. I didn’t know what to expect so my face remained still as she leaned over my desk and placed a catalog on top of it. It was a catalog made up of collector dolls, none ethnic, starting with the cheapest at $300 they elevated in cost up to $5000. The dolls were very real in their features and even had human hair. There were tons of outfits to choose from and you could pick out the parts and build your doll piece by piece. The catalog sold an assortment of furniture from changing tables, cribs and strollers, to spoons and plates for feeding. Everything was very detailed and appeared to come in actual life sizes. As I flipped through the catalog my mind went back to the time when the boys were babies. So little and innocent, I momentarily began to miss the days they were contempt with a bottle and a hug. I closed the booklet and handed it back to Joe but she placed it back on my desk with speed.

  “Pick one.” She suggested as confusion swept across my face.

  “Um ok but may I ask why?”

  I reopened the book and began looking for the prettiest of the life like dolls not knowing why I had been chosen to pick one out. To be honest, none of the dolls were particularly cute. Perhaps if they threw a black one or a fat little Asian one in the mix it would be more competition! I never took kind to white babies, big heads thin hair they just weren’t a good look.

  “My grandmother collects dolls and her birthday is approaching. I want to be prepared for it. It would be a big surprise for her to receive the order by her birthday, and for it to be delivered to her front door. Can you please just help me?” Joe pointed out the two of her choice which both looked pretty decent.

  One was a boy with slick black hair and brown eyes dressed in a mint green one piece undershirt and little booties. The other was a dark brown curly haired little baby girl with sea blue green eyes and a few freckles priced at $750. She was dressed in a light purple summer dress, the kind you put a 4 month old in with the snap in between the legs. The dress had white flowers along the bottom and made me think of the little girls I would see at Kelly Drive enjoying the day with their new parents.

  “Well I always wanted a little girl so I would have to go with her she’s adorable. Why didn’t you ask Tori? You guys are friends I’m sure she knows your taste better.” I teased with the hidden message behind my words.

  Joe gave me a half smile as if to say Mind your business and told me that Tori wasn’t at her desk. She thanked me for my help and rushed back to her desk to place the order. This office was beginning to grow stranger by the week. Joe being nice to me and asking for my advice took me further into the twilight zone than ever before.

  Two o ‘clock struck fast today and I really looked forward to my salad. I laughed at how I managed to convince myself that today’s lunch was something special, as if it was the launch of a new diet. My Run this morning left me feeling extremely energized and beautiful, the way you feel when you first start working out and your vibing off the changes to your new lifestyle. Today that Caesar salad was good! Nothing special added to it, it was the same recipe I had always used, today it was just better. I washed it down with a diet soda and decided to look through the newspaper and check out my horoscope. There it all made sense of this changing Ramae:

  Happy Birthday Gemini! Today is truly a good one for you with a new sense of purpose circling your air. This is a great time to jump into actions you have been longing to make and to take hold of situations you’re in fear of losing. Money matters will be well in tact so take some time to focus on you and your wants! As we build new relationships don’t forget to repair the old ones before leaving them behind. You lucky days are the 5th, 14th, 17th, and the 25th of June.

  Well I can’t identify with everything but I do feel a stronger sense of purpose and life. I decided this morning to just let matters take control of themselves, Jay, Me, and even my weight will all play out day to day. As for the 5th, that would be Friday and my birthday! I wasn’t too sure what Jay planned but regardless it would be great. Oh I weighed myself on Sunday (a much dreaded thing to do), and I was down two more pounds! So you can imagine how ready I was to buy a new outfit and show off my work for my birthday. No doubt Porscha would have something fun planned for me on Saturday and I would get the house to myself to relax on Sunday. For the past three years I have told them that the Sunday after my birthday is my ME day! That means no one in the house but ME from 10am to 10pm. I spend the whole day lounging in my PJs, facials, pedicures, manicures, movies and whatever else I felt like doing. I listen to my favorite CDs and order out every meal from breakfast to dinner. Yes ME day was my birthday gift to myself!

  Halfway through my lunch Tori tapped my left shoulder and asked if I was ready for the gossip, and of course I was! Apparently, Joe was beginning to tire from sneaking around and was ready to tell her husband Michael about their affair. The problem was Tori had no intentions on breaking up the marriage and just wanted to have some fun. She didn’t want the stress on her, Joe, or the job so she convinced Joe to have a threesome with her husband in order to ease Tori into the picture. Michael had discussed his fantasies in the past with Joe and mentioned how he had a threesome when he was in high school and always wanted to enjoy one with his wife. So that Saturday, Tori and Joe pretended to meet each other for the first time at a bar and struck up a drunken conversation with Michael about sex dreams. She told him she had a dream about having a threesome with a girl that looked just like Joe the night before and how she wished it was true. Joe chimed in about how they should do it in a joking manner which turned Michael on. From there they went back to Joe’s place and made use of his fantasies. Tori knew not to go too much into detail but the overall story was juicy enough for my ears. They managed to make it a weekend thing and Tori didn’t get home until this morning…my poor Tori.

  “Can you believe Michael has been calling my phone all morning! I don’t know what to do. He keeps asking to take me to lunch he doesn’t even know I work with Joe!” She couldn’t control her laughter at her own conniving ways.

  For the rest of the week I got to enjoy watching their antics play out before my eyes. As each day went by, Joe fell deeper and deeper into Tori’s rabbit hole being used as a pawn for pleasure. The problem was, Joe had the look of love, the look you have in your eyes when you’re sure of what you want and you won’t let anything come in between you and that person. She would watch Tori’s every move more closely than before and feelings were beginning to pour into the work place. I’m not sure if people were beginning to catch wind of their relationship, but they definitely sensed something weird in the air. The littlest things could tip a person off. And a little messiness in one’s actions could go a long way. On Wednesday just that happened when Tori decided to go to lunch with a co-w
orker Paul who was new to the job. It was strictly friendly and Tori knew that he would be helping her on a project in some weeks to pass and decided to familiarize herself with his work experience.

  The fact that she had made a lunch date without consulting with Joe first lit a fire in her chest that burned throughout her body. You could see the anger in her eyes as she stormed at Tori and grabbed her arm before she made her way out the door. Tori snapped around to see who had her arm and Joe’s smile was that of the devil’s best friend.

  “I need you to help me with something” She sharply stated starring deep into Tori’s eyes.

  “I will help you when I come back, Paul and I are going to lunch” Tori replied as if she didn’t sense any alarm in Joe’s possessive behavior.

  “Well you can go to lunch in an hour I need you now” The raise in her voice and its sternness got the attention of a few other workers who peeked their heads around their cubicles to see what was the matter.