Fallen Read online

  “I’m going to lunch” Tori shrugged her words right off her narrow shoulders and closed the door behind her. I chuckled at my desk as Joe walked by cutting her eyes at me with no words to speak. She slammed her office door and didn’t come back out for the rest of the day.

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  Today was finally the 5th and nobody could tell me nothing! Jay woke me up licking me in all the right places! His cushioned lips were more than missed and I spread so quickly enjoying every move he made. His tongue was sensual and full of passion like always. As I clenched my legs together he reminded me of his love and wished me the best birthday ever. The boys all got me gifts that I adored; a bracelet from Tiffany’s, a satin robe and a gift card to my favorite Mexican restaurant, Vida. My morning had started off excellent it was so good I didn’t mind putting in a few hours at work before enjoying my half a day.

  When I got to work Tori had some white lilies for me (my favorite) and a bottle of champagne. I was so happy I couldn’t wait to open it when I got off to feel those smooth bubbles relax my throat. Everyone was easy on me, so my day went fast and 1 o’clock came quicker than I expected. I took my time getting home, it was still early and my hubby was still out working hard. A stop at Vida for lunch took up some time then I headed to King of Prussia mall to do a little shopping. Instantly I wanted to splurge and treat myself to a new pocketbook. I had been very good with my spending, as my horoscope had mentioned, and it was my birthday. If Jay decided to blow up about it I’d just blame the impulse on the lack of bedroom loving I had been receiving. Yes, a new pocketbook was the perfect accessory to my birthday weekend.

  I stopped in the Louis Vuitton store with instant eyes on me. The funny thing is, they weren’t eyes of this black woman can’t afford, more like eyes of who this black bitch think she is from some brown skin little gay man with black skinny leg dress pants, and a phony smile. I just laughed and shook my head. Why are black people so quick to judge and ready to knock the next out of the way from stepping up? A friendly little white girl with dark chestnut colored hair, and skinny enough to be folded in to one of my bags assisted me with my purchase. She showed me a catalog of what they had and a few things around the store. I settled on a vintage styled bag in the shape of a square with a short handle. It reminded me of the big makeup cases stars and their makeup artist would carry back in the day. I couldn’t wait to show Porscha!

  As I walked through the mall I felt classy and lucky. I had so many loved ones around me; my horoscope was right, my money was intact and it was time to look out for me. I took my time getting home; I was just enjoying the day. Getting home would bring me back to my normal life and an average day. Nope today I would be taking the long way home.

  When I finally made it home, life was just as expected. The boys had some friends over, with the exception of Jalal, he was sitting next to his girlfriend Kahliyah. As soon as I dropped my bags, she ran over and gave me a hug, “Happy birthday mom!” Mom? I was disgusted but I said thank you and tried to get away. Kahliyah, like always, never took a hint. She switched he belly shirt wearing booty shorts having little ass right over to my bags!

  “Oooo! Mom you went to the Louis store! Can I see? That’s what I’m talking bout mom get that money!”

  Before I could answer she pulled my bag out and put her greasy KFC eating fingers all over it. It probably would be the last time she touched any real leather being that her mom chills off welfare all day and her dad’s not around, so I let it go. Don’t get me wrong I’m not faulting her, but I could see her going down the same path.

  She told me one day “I don’t know how you do it every day Mrs. R, get up and go to work? A pretty woman like you should just be sitting at home and let Mr. Jay get the bread ok? That’s how it’s gonna be when Ja and I get married! Cause if not, you gonna ware yourself out and that puts stress on the household.”

  I didn’t know who the hell was giving this little girl advice but someone was definitely stirring her down the wrong path. “Yea I’m gonna get this money and you get your little hands off my bag, wash them first at least!” I teased sarcastically. Then I took my bag and went up the stairs.

  Friday and Saturday were lovely due to my sons and my husband who spoiled me with gifts and dinner to celebrate my birthday. Thirty nine and aging like wine, was my slogan all weekend as I tried to cope with the fact that I was hitting middle age. Though all the family time was nice, I was looking forward to my Me day. I began to notice how lately I had been more bent towards the issue of spending time alone. Maybe it was because the boys were getting older and rarely in the house or that my marriage was stable and boring. But I looked for the moments of complete solitude. It didn’t matter if it was my afternoon sessions after work, Saturday afternoons, or my time at the track. Just any moment I could get to be Ramae! Not Ramae the wife, or Ramae the mom just plain old Ramae.

  Well waking up to the bright sunshine certainly blessed my mood on Sunday as my day embraced me with a smile. I could hear Jay ruffling through the closet this morning as he looked for something to wear but I didn’t bother to budge or open my eyes. I continued to sleep through the bathroom showers, footsteps running up and down the steps and all other morning rush noises until I felt as though the coast was clear enough for me to get out of bed.

  Blessing my belly with a cup of coffee and a fruit salad for breakfast I pranced around the house in a small white tee shirt and my panties. So much time on my hands and no real agenda I didn’t know where to begin. Milk and chamomile tea bags mixed with hot water filled the bath tub as I removed the polish from my feet and hands preparing for the ultimate soak. I popped in an old Floetry cd into my cd player and slipped into the tub for my one hour soaking. It was so warm and relaxing I felt like I was on vacation chilling in a hot tub. The sweet smells filled the air and my lungs. I stayed in the tub until my skin wrinkled. Not wanting to get out but knowing I needed to proceed with my day I drained the tub and completed my homemade manicure and pedicure before indulging in a bottle of wine.

  With no need to dress, I wrapped my red satin robe around me and checked the time. It was only 1pm and I still had plenty of time to enjoy my day. Another glass of wine had me relaxed, but I still had no clue how else to spend the day. Usually I would create a meal from a cookbook recipe that I was intrigued by and accompany that with a special baked treat to help pass time. But being that I didn’t make time yesterday to buy the foods needed for a recipe and I was on my diet, that was not an option.

  I was restless for a bit and tried to occupy myself. TV didn’t interest me much these days and it was a Sunday afternoon. I knew that there wouldn’t be anything good to watch. My buzz was kicking in and having a self -session crossed my mind…but if I did that now how would I kill time later? Another glass of wine would be my home remedy to boredom and loneliness and was the best idea I could think of.

  Lightly stepping barefoot down my plush beige carpet, I was stopped in my tracks by a stranger in my house. I almost lost all life that was in me! I was frightened so badly that I gasped for air at the sight of his presence. I had to examine the young man hard to make sure I wasn’t about to get robbed or raped and to make sure that he was a familiar face. This was no Tamia song, this was a friend of my son’s standing in my living room, who paused his motion just like I did when he saw me. I could tell he was surprised to run into me also by how taken back he was when we crossed paths. I could also tell he was trying to sneak out of the house by his perfect timing and quick footsteps towards the front door.

  “Sorry.” His bashful smile let me know that he knew he had no business being in my house and that he had just been caught.

  I laughed at his innocence but was not upset at all. I was on the verge of being bored out of my mind and my day being a complete waste so I invited him to sit. He was old enough to spare a few minutes of his time and to add some input to my day. Besides, this was a friend of my Jason that I was not too familiar w
ith. Most of Jason’s friends grew up on our block or were in school with him from the beginning. I had seen him around or in and out the house for quick visits but I never took the time to ask Jason too much about his new friend. I assumed that they did business with each other of some sort or somehow made friends through a mutual person.

  I guess it shouldn’t matter to me how they knew each other because Jason was grown now and old enough to decide who he needed to be friends with. Although I didn’t feel the need to get the details of their friendship, I did want to know more about this person who was in my house. If anything he would make good company and keep me entertained for a bit. I could poke at details of his life or use him to find out more about my own son. I was so bored I would’ve asked a five year old to keep me company for a few minutes just to get some tips on making a good sandwich. I knew that he didn’t really want to stay any longer but no one tells their friend’s mom no for anything. The young man sat down. You could see his nervousness show through his stiff body language. With a smile on my face, partly from the alcohol, I followed behind him to the black leather sofa set.

  I sat across from the young man delighted to be in his presence. I began to question why he was in my house, and why he wasn’t roaming the streets or the house of some twenty year old woman with my son, but I held back. Part of me wanted to believe he was heaven sent. Someone to add a little spark to my day until my family returned. I wasn’t really sure what to talk about with him being that he was so much younger than I, but I figured there had to be some common ground. If I could keep up conversations with my sons, one of their friends should be even easier.

  The alcohol had really begun to take over. I felt light in my movements and being next to him made me feel sexy. Lounging in my satin robe gave me just that appeal. I was hoping that he thought I was sexy and opened his eyes to me more than he had before. I just wanted the approval. There’s something about having a man look at you lustfully that makes you feel good about yourself. You don’t even have to be attracted to him. Just knowing that you could have him if you wanted him, is what puts a smile on a woman’s face. I would catch him taking peeks at my drifting robe that hung slightly off my shoulders. That was exactly what I wanted, just small peeks here and there to make me feel sexy. A quick glance at my breast or my freshly shaven legs, I just wanted and needed a little bit of his attention today.

  Watching his movements examining his physique, his features transformed before my eyes and caught my attention. My eyes adjusted to him like a pair of lenses until I begin to see him a little more clearly than I did when he first stepped in my presence. As he made small talk I swept over his entire body like a fine too comb. Every scar and hair, the way his eyes and hands moved when he would explain his words, even his posture as he sat, I gave him my full attention. I wasn’t sure if it was the wine or my loneliness but this young man looked exactly like that in my eyes, a young man. Not how I viewed by sons as older boys, he was a young man.

  All of the erotic storytelling in the work place must have crept into my head because I couldn’t shake the thoughts of sex that were on my mind. Maybe it was because Jay hadn’t been pleasing me in the bedroom, but I was in heat. It being my birthday added to the mix, the whole weekend had passed and I was still waiting to get that special gift!

  Although innocent, I planned on using him as the perfect birthday gift. I looked at his tight body some more with slight lust at heart. I was impressed with his build and found his orange V-neck t-shirt to drape his broad shoulders and naturally athletic 6’5 240lbs perfectly. All muscle and ever so chocolaty, he had a beard that wrapped around his face that would identify him as a Philly native anywhere he traveled. I took notice to the strong legs peeking out of his khaki shorts followed by hairless calves that melted into his Nikes. His lips a dark burgundy and his eyes bright and dark brown with thick lashes. His hair cut was perfectly shaped with deep waves circling his head. The fact that he took good care of himself and invested in his appearance was obvious. I saw something in him that I didn’t notice the other times he’s made brief visits to my living room.

  Today I noticed that he had all the physical qualities that it took to get my body ready for sex. He’d at least be something for me to visualize during one of my afternoon sessions that I couldn’t drum up from my own imagination. Real live and in the flesh was my old lady porn fantasy, and I had to raise a glass of wine to that! He may not be edible…but I would be enjoying eye candy for the day.

  I picked up my glass and propped it in the air as if to say “Cheers!” to by dreamy cabana boy. A tilt of the head complimented with an innocent smile made him feel welcomed. I had given him the green light that I was not mad at is unsuspecting arrival in my home, in fact I welcomed it. A little loose and feeling a lot sexy, I switched past him to the kitchen knowing that my thick thighs looked good in the satin robe. With my hips dancing side to side and the robe rising up it left little imagination about what was going on underneath of it. Yes he was one of my son’s friends, but it felt good to have eyes on me in my own home. I think every woman has had the desire to be the mom that her son’s friends thought was hot or that sexy older lady in the neighborhood that all the boys glanced at while she took out the trash. The irreplaceable feeling of knowing that you still had it. The same feeling that older men got when they used a young woman to accompany them to gatherings and holiday parties.

  I glided back into the living room with a clean glass for my new friend and raised mines to him once again. The drink suggestion caused him to let out a chuckle which showed off his perfectly aligned teeth accented with a small gap between the top middle two. The squint from his dark brown eyes combined with his perfectly imperfect smile made me reflect one of the same.

  He reached for the bottle of Cabernet and poured himself a respectable glass. Meeting his glass with mine, the rumble of the words “happy birthday” barely made it out of his mouth before it ruffled vibrations in my ears. His voice was sexy and I was turned on by it. His voice was one that demanded attention as soon as he spoke, one that would never be forgotten. We both took a sip of the red wine that was slightly bitter in taste. By far my sip was more of a gulp but I had a higher tolerance for the wines flavor. I questioned how he knew that it was my birthday, but I assumed that his confinement to the basement had to do with a forewarning. As he begin to apologize for interrupting my time alone I quickly cut him off with a shake of the head and one finger over my mouth. The need to explain was not needed. Even if it was due to a circumstantial tragedy we would deal with that tomorrow, I just wanted to enjoy the moment.

  “What’s your story?” I blurted out assertively in full mommy mode. The young man jumped back and pressed his eyebrows together as if he didn’t understand the question. I laughed at his confusion and leaned in a little closer with my wine glass barely touching my lips as I let out the words again before I indulged in another gulp.

  “What’s your story?”

  This time his confused look was probably caused by the smell of 4 glasses of wine leaving my mouth and my glassy eyes lit with interest. “Everyone has a story. Where are you from? What kind of family do you have? What are your goals? So what I’m asking is…who are you?”

  I spoke as if I was giving an interview which I could tell may have made him feel little in my presence. But he didn’t. The shift of his sitting position from the edge of the sofa to his strong broad shoulders being pressed against the couches back pillows showed me he felt at ease. Not the least bit intimidated, I admired how confident he was in his speech. He spoke like a man, moved like a man and looked like a man. I could tell he was educated. Maybe not formally, but I never confuse a piece of paper for proof of intelligence.

  His name was Makai, like the actor from the movie Soul Food, and he was all of 22 years old. Raised in North Philly, he spent most of his years growing up in his grandmother’s house down 27th and Indiana. The only child, he was the perfect example of hood chic. His mother was around and so w
as his father but he always lived with his grandmother. The product of an only child, he was the only grandchild so he was spoiled from three different roots. His mother had him at 25 but never learned to completely be a mother. Partying and fashion always at heart, she lived for that lifestyle even in her early 40s…we had something in common. I could instantly identify with his motherless childhood.

  No real ambition, her goals were always to be able to outshine the next woman and find a man that would help with the payments. Nail salon, hair salon, boutique, her life consisted of these weekly stops and you could follow her trail of eyelashes and makeup powder around the city. Working was a must but not a true need. Every office position she landed came with an in house sugar daddy until she ran him tired and dry with her manicured hand out and drama. Looking about 10 years younger than her age, she knew how to play her part with men. Knowing what to say and who to say it to kept her run going as long as it did. I guess that’s where his daddy came into play because he was one of the suckers in her early stages of learning.

  Now even though she was a partying shopaholic Kai was far from neglected. What she couldn’t give him in structure and discipline, she made up for in materials. The party queen herself looked forward every year to throwing Kai the biggest birthday parties any kid in the hood could have. Christmas was always the product of some old man’s credit card, and back to school shopping was the same. He knew how to identify designer labels, quality leather, and a high maintenance female before graduating elementary school.